Thinking of going gray? 7 ways to prepare yourself for the change.

Are you fed up of having to touch up your roots every 3 weeks? Have you been thinking of ditching the hair dye and going “au naturelle?”  Six months ago, after much consideration, going back and forth and using semi-permanent hair color ”just in case,” I finally made the decision to embrace the silver hairs that have been gradually sneaking in over the years and stopped coloring my hair.

Permanent color started by accident for me. I picked up my first box color thinking it was semi- permanent, after all, it did say the color lasted 12 weeks. What I didn’t read was that the vibrancy of the color lasted 12 weeks and if I didn’t color it regularly I would be left with a dull version of that beautiful color on the box.

Fourteen years later I’m still using the same Natural Medium Cool Brown – as close to my natural color as I could find. Don’t get me wrong, the product was great, but every 3 weeks the graying roots would start to show through, with a few more white hairs than the previous time I had touched them up.

Now I’m not a high maintenance girl, never have been and never will be. I believe in investing in a good haircut, and trust me, it took a lot of bad haircuts and tears until I found a hairdresser I could trust with my thick locks that have been preserved despite everything else going south after the menopause. But the thought of sitting in a hairdresser’s chair 2 or 3 times a year to correct the patchiness of the box color I used or replacing the towels, t-shirts and whatever else was in the way when I did color my hair at home was no longer working for me.

So, as part of my new empowered self, I decided I was ready to embrace the gray. If you are ready to liberate your grays, here are the 7 things to consider to help you make your decision.

7 things to consider before growing in your gray.

1. Ask yourself why you started to color your hair in the first place.

Even though I made the mistake all those years ago in purchasing permanent instead of semi-permanent color, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to grow it out. Why didn’t I?  Because like you, I liked the color and it made me feel good. As you moved into your 50’s did you start to feel a certain level of pressure to “look as young as you could” and associated a lack of grey hair with that belief?  I did. I didn’t want the gray to be seen as a sign of vulnerability or weakness.

However, now that I have reached my 60’s, my thought process has changed and I realize that I am so over being what others expect me to look or be and that the color of my hair does not define me. Perhaps your reason for not using hair dye is that you don’t want to use chemicals on your hair or want to be more environmentally friendly.

I do feel I should say that there is nothing wrong with wanting to color your hair, and there is a lot going for it but not for me any longer.

2. Check out all the different options to going gray.

I think I have watched every video on You Tube that I could find to make the transition to gray easier. Here are a few options I came across.

• Getting rid of your existing hair color quickly. There seem to be 2 approaches to this. First, crushing vitamin C tablets and mixing the resulting fine powder with anti-dandruff shampoo. In the videos, this definitely did seem to remove some color but did not return anyone to her gray color that I could see. The second option is over-the-counter color removal products. All the YouTube videos showed it removed color but with differing levels of success and some women were left with a pink or orange tint to their hair, depending on the color they were trying to remove.
• Daily use of clarifying shampoo. I had a work colleague who used this approach on her very red box dyed hair. It worked quite well, but as the gray grew in at the roots, the ends of her hair became pink as the dye faded. However, I must say her new steel gray hair is outstanding.
• Getting a Pixie cut – not really an option for me because of my 2 chins and a round face. I don’t think it will compliment me, and I have never had the cheekbones to carry off such a short cut. Actually, that’s not entirely true. For reasons that still escape me, I went to the hairdresser to celebrate my 40^th birthday and came out with a very orange pixie cut. What was I thinking?  If you are fortunate to have high cheekbones and no spare chins, go for it and make us all jealous.
•  Shaving your head -need I say more.
• Get highlights -that follow the vertical line of growth of the grays and their different shades. Still high maintenance, and it takes you right back to why you started the gray journey in the first place.
• Dying a strip of hair in the middle of your head that covers the grey as it is growing out and then move the parting to cover the dyed area once it has grown grey. This did seem to work on the video, but it reminded me of the bald mans “comb-over” solution to baldness or of a skunk, but hey, whatever works.
• Cold Turkey – this is the route I decided to go down and hope that the line between my brown locks and my new gray is not too stark.

3. Tell someone you are growing in your grays.

I only discussed growing in my gray with 2 people. The first was my husband. Not to seek his permission, but just to reassure him that this was a deliberate journey, that I did not know how I would look when I reached my destination, but I was definitely not “letting myself go.”

The second person was my hairdresser. I didn’t want him to think I had just abandoned my roots. When I told my hairdresser some years ago I was growing out my bangs, he refused to cut them back in when I weakened, and I’m glad he did not relent. I know he will do the same regarding my grays.

I decided to deal with friends and family as the situation came up.

4. Treat yourself to a good haircut.

My original intention had been to just let my hair grow for a few months. As a nurse I can never wear my hair down as it gets in the way, so I have always let it air dry and then tied it in a pony. Not the most flattering style but when you have been wearing a mask, a visor, and at times a hair covering, it doesn’t really matter.

However, when I gave it some thought, I decided that the start of the growing out period should be a time for celebration, and having a style that I could wear down or up would make me feel so much better about the process. In fact I would recommend you have a regular trim every 6-8 weeks- you will be surprised how much that helps you in moving toward your gray goal.

5. Remove the temptation to give up.

I had 2 boxes of  OTC dye in the bathroom cabinet, and I knew I needed to get rid of them. Starting the ”growing in the gray” process feels a bit like starting a diet with a cupboard full of cupcakes and chocolate. If they are there, I just have to eat them before I can start the diet. But I didn’t want to use the dye as a last hurrah before I started to grow in my grays, so I threw them away. I also bought myself a nice shampoo and conditioner, a bit of luxury to make caring for my hair more enjoyable.

6. Prepare yourself for the naysayers.

If there’s one thing we all know from experience, there will always be those people who will disagree with your decision. These sort of changes always seem to bring out the passive-aggressive side in some people ”Oh, you look so much younger with brown hair”,  “Is your hair color out of stock at the store”,  “You wouldn’t catch me going gray. I’m not ready to look like a granny yet.”

People will seek to cast doubts on your decision, but don’t let them upset you or steer you from your goal. Many of these people are doing what is expected of them, not necessarily what they want to do, and there may be a few who are jealous of the decision you have made, wishing they had the courage to do the same.

7. Be prepared for people noticing your hair more.

While I am not anywhere near there yet, I have heard from those who have boldly gone before me in this journey that once your grays have grown in a few inches you may start to receive positive comments. Absorb and enjoy them with grace. Hold your head up high, even if you have a skunk line, and be proud of your decision.

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Making the decision to grow in your grays is very empowering. You are still the same person, you can still do your job in the same way, and you will not look older. In fact, it is quite ironic that while those of us who are ”of a certain age” are looking at whether we should embrace our grays, there is a huge trend among young women to go gray.  Who knew gray would be the new blonde!!