Make goals not resolutions: Turning your failed New Years resolution into a success story
Are you one of the 80% of Americans who have abandoned your New Year’s resolution by the end of February? Does this happen to you every year? Are you already thinking about your next New Year’s resolution, because it will be different this time, and you will be more focused and determined?
Did you know it takes 66 days for a new habit to become automatic and as much as 254 days for it to be a fully formed change. With high expectations for instant gratification, it’s no wonder we give in so easily. Let’s take a look at what may be causing us to cave the first time round, and I’ll use the old favorite – losing weight – as an example.
Why do resolutions fail?
- self–sabotage – Do you find you get to a certain weight and then stop with your diet? How many times have you lost and put back on the same 10-20 lbs?
- lack of support from friends and family – “Go on – eating one cake won’t hurt” or “you don’t need to lose weight” keeps coming at you from all sides. Also known as family sabotage.
- you’re not fully committed to the resolution – The timing is really bad, you have just lost a dear friend, or there is increased pressure at home or work, to name a few life events, that can easily derail you.
- you don’t have a clear goal – This completely takes away the accountability factor.
- not enjoying what you need to do to achieve your resolution – going to the gym immediately springs to mind. If you’re not fit, you will hate it even more. Find something you enjoy doing.
- spending too much time procrastinating – Planning, but not actuating – need I say more?
- your resolution is not realistic – No, you are not going to lose 50 lbs in 3 months. Just because they do it on the Biggest Loser doesn’t mean that you, with all the other things going on in your life, and without the encouragement and accountability of a team of experts at your disposal, can replicate those results.
- you’re not tracking your progress – If you don’t weigh yourself, you can convince yourself you will catch up on what you didn’t lose/do next week. No one will know…….except you!
- you’re not ready to make the change – Everyone keeps telling you that you should do it, but you’re not ready. It’s almost impossible to make a major life change unless you do it for you.
- you’re already overwhelmed in your life and just cannot take on another thing that will disrupt your routine. In times of stress, routines can help us to keep going, and any disruption to this can be met with resistance.
- you don’t have time – The excuse we all make when all the others have failed. Translation “I don’t want to do this”
- age related – I can’t seem to lose weight since I went through menopause, this diet just won’t work for me (it doesn’t matter that it works for everyone else), because you are different.
Don’t start you goal on New Year’s day
Giving up on a resolution, however, can make you feel defeated, useless, angry, and a failure. So what can you do differently? I believe timing (starting when you are ready), is crucial, as well as careful planning with realistic expectations. Personally, I cannot think of a worse day to start a new year’s resolution than New Year’s Day. Yes, I know that sounds weird, but the only way to reach your resolution (goal) is to prepare and start when you are ready, whatever time of year that is. My own example is a case in point.
Make the change when you are ready
Thirty years ago my husband had a heart attack on Christmas night. Like many other people, he went to bed with indigestion, and, to be honest, I never thought anything of it. But after his admission to hospital several hours later, with a confirmed heart attack, he never smoked another cigarette in his life. He was discharged on New Year’s Eve, and I swore to myself I would never touch another cigarette in my life once he came home. It was going to be a great time to stop smoking. The start of a new year, the start of a new me.
After 2 weeks, my husband told me to go and buy a pack of cigarettes. Why? Because I had become Mrs. Grumpy, and he couldn’t stand it any longer. His one condition was that I didn’t smoke in the house or in front of him. Eight months later, I felt ready to stop. We were taking a short trip and at the end of the day my husband asked me why I hadn’t had a cigarette. I told him I had stopped. I had quietly made my plan and picked a time when my routine was different .
I can tell you that I have never knitted so many sweaters as I did over the next 6 months – it’s very hard to hold a cigarette and knitting needles at the same time – but it worked. I stopped smoking and have stayed stopped. Why? Because I did it for me, and I did it when I was ready.
5 steps to setting a successful goal.
1. Identify what you want to achieve.
Many of you will choose a resolution that relates to losing weight, exercising more, eating healthier, using social media less, spending more time with your friends and family, and saving money. Some of you will be tempted to choose more than one. But don’t go down that road. Get a piece of paper and write down all the things you want to change/achieve in the next year, then narrow it down to the 3 most important and place them in order of priority to you. Now you have found your number one resolution or goal.
Once your goal is determined you need to make it more specific. Instead of your goal being “I’m going to lose weight” or “I’m going to save money this year”, you need to make your goal more detailed and include how much you are going to lose and by when.
“I would like to lose 25 lbs by July 4th.”
“I want to reduce my expenses by $500 per month 12 months from now.”
While it is an individual choice, I would not recommend taking on more than one goal at a time to begin with. Remember, it takes sixty-six days to change a habit, and two hundred and fifty-four days for it to be a fully formed change? The more you take on, the greater your risk of failure. It’s easier to build on success. Wait until you feel comfortable with one change before you even consider starting to introduce another one.
2. Make a plan
Once you have identified your goal, you need to look at the resources needed to achieve it, as well consider what else is going on in your life. There’s no point in setting a resolution of going to the gym 3 times a week, when you work full time, and care for your parents 4 times a week after work. That means you are going to be going somewhere after work every day, a sure fire way to set yourself up for failure.
You may need to think of purchasing an exercise bike to use at home, which you can use for 20 minutes 3 times a week or integrate exercise into your daily activities, such as using stairs, parking your car farther away from the store doors, etc., or asking your spouse or sibling (if close enough) to pick up one or two of the evenings you care for your parents so you can go and exercise.
Time is the most valuable resource you have, which is why it is so important to develop a plan for what you need to do to facilitate the achievement of your goal. To save $500 in expenses per month over the next 12 months, you first need to identify exactly what your existing expenses are. This can often be a shocking exercise, but you must have an accurate baseline. That way you can then build a plan that will target one area at a time.
For instance in your first month, you might look at what are you paying for your TV programs each month? Have you tried to call the company to see if they have any special offers? If not, do you have the internet? If yes, perhaps you could consider live-streaming your TV channels. It gives more variety and is much cheaper.
In your second month, look at what you are paying on your mortgage, if you have one. Would it benefit you to refinance? Or are you so close to paying it off that working overtime over the next 12 months could do it?
Also, think about the day you are going to start your goal. If it’s diet or exercise related, January 1st is probably not the best day to begin. It is a national holiday and you may have friends and family around. Before you know it, your resolution is broken. But if you are looking at a less immediate resolution then the 2nd of January could work. Whatever your start date, do your goal planning a month before.
Your plan should include:
- Your specific resolution (goal)
- What you need to do to achieve your goal
- A strategy for working toward your goal – tasks to be completed
- Milestones that can be recorded when different stages of your goal is reached
- Rewards for achieving your milestones.
3. Plot for success.
Determining how you are going to record your success is the third stage in your planning. You can start a spreadsheet or use paper – whatever works for you. But keep it visible to remind you of the progress you are making.
Some things are easier to record than others. Weight can be recorded each week on the same day, more time for friends and family can be recorded on a spreadsheet, or just highlighted in your planner and you can use last year’s planner to compare. Whatever you use, make sure you measure your progress monthly at least or more often if you planned to.
Even on your dark days you will be able to see your progress and that one bad day does not undo everything you have achieved. Don’t beat yourself up if you miss a milestone, but say to yourself you will catch up for the next milestone. You are human and no one is perfect.
4. Reflect on your progress and the challenges you’ve overcome.
If you notice a trend where you start to drift from your goals, don’t be afraid to look at why. Perhaps you have had a big project to finish at work and did not have time to go to the gym the last two weeks, maybe your weight has plateaued, perhaps you were not successful with finding some refinancing for the mortgage, and need to look at other ways to make your savings. The main thing is to stay focused. Always focus on what you did well, and don’t spend time on things you have no control over.
5. Celebrate your milestones.
Celebrating reaching each milestone is important, but rewarding ourselves is something that we often brush aside. I mentioned earlier that time is the most important resource you have, and to that effect you should always try to make a little time for yourself. Book a mani-pedi, get a new haircut, buy a new top, have lunch with a friend, or go shopping with a girlfriend. Whatever you do, it needs to be just for you.
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Most of us make a New Year’s resolution flippantly and without thinking it through. “What’s your resolution?” “Oh I need to lose some weight. I didn’t do so well last year.” It is no wonder so many of us fail before we have really begun.
The commitment comes from identifying what you want to achieve, how you are going to achieve it, and going ahead and achieving it. There will be times when you will be very successful and times that are more challenging. Either way, you need to celebrate your success and reflect on your challenges, moving forward and through them.
Don’t over-commit. Be specific about what you want to achieve, and break it down into bite-size pieces. Pick the right time to start, monitor and celebrate your achievement, and reward yourself. Remember you are human not Super Woman- even though you may often feel you need to be to get through each day.
